The other night, Patrick and I went to see the Humboldt Film Festival where we live in Arcata, CA. It’s a well-known festival and the judges are all students at the local university, Humboldt State. We attended the Animation and Experimental Films night.
I liked many of the Animation films. I love how there’s such incredible creative opportunities in this medium and the films chosen were very diverse. I was engaged and moved.
Then came the Experimental films. First, I hadn’t realized that was part of the evening so I was surprised we weren’t seeing animation anymore. This was real film with actors. But in my opinion, it was very off-beat. There was abrupt editing, confronting images, some with intense violence, and some harsh soundtracks.
For two of the films, I buried my head in Patrick’s shoulder because I didn’t want to watch. It wasn’t just violence, but it felt like an assault on my nervous system. And I wasn’t interested in the content or storyline. I wasn’t enjoying it at all and wanted it to end. But we had at least 30 more minutes to go.
As the next film began, and it was more of the same, I considered leaving. I’ve never walked out on a movie.
I had some resistance because – well, you just don’t do that. So I wrestled with myself about it for a bit. Plus, I thought, “maybe it will get better…I don’t want to miss a good one.” But I my body and mind were saying “enough!”
And I knew Patrick would understand. I’d meet him after.
So I quickly exited the theatre and felt a huge sense of liberation as I walked into the twilight. I’m free! I spent the next 30 minutes taking pictures of cool sights around town, creating my own “movie” – Arcata Appreciation Adventure. Ha!
Leaving was an act of self- integrity. I had been contracting myself by staying; literally crunching my body down and over into Patrick’s shoulder; fighting with the reality that I was having a bad time. Staying wasn’t honoring my desires for comfort and enjoyment. Leaving opened up the flow for me. I felt free and relieved. I was aligning with my desire for ease and joy.
I’m a big proponent of living in alignment with who we are and what we need in the moment, whenever possible. But it takes listening in to feel what’s true, what’s right. We all have different needs for comfort, joy and freedom. There’s no recipe. So we each get to be our own private investigator, exploring what’s true moment by moment. It’s like having a deep inner conversation.
And the more we live in alignment with our desires and especially with our heart’s calling, the more ease and flow we feel in our lives. There’s an effortlessness that occurs when we’re in flow, doing what we feel we’re meant to do, living in a way that feels true. A deep part of us can settle, knowing we’re on track.
But it’s not always easy to choose integrity. We may have to go against societal norms, or against what others want for us. But of course, we have to live our own lives. No one else can do that for us.
Here’s an image I took of an Arcata mural that night. Do you recognize it?
I’ll be sharing more about living in Integrity in my upcoming Conscious Communication Course.
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May you walk your own path in the way that feels just right to you.
Namasté,
Robyn
