"When we are unhappy in life, having happy relationships is difficult.”
-Robyn Smith
We are going to look at what are the main blocks or fears that might be stopping you from creating what you want in your life. Then we will look at how to shift that and what you really need to do to be on track with yourself. We will look at what is required to manifest what you want and how you can live in alignment with yourself so you can succeed.
My Inspiration
I got inspired to do this because I was with my mother recently. It was her 80th birthday a couple of weeks ago and she is really inspiring to me. I love how she is passionate about her work in the world and she has kept that passion my whole life. She is always growing and trying new things and reaching for new heights. I was feeling very inspired being around her again and seeing her power. She is driven to go for what she wants, and does not let her fears stop her. When I was thinking about that, I realized I have really held myself back because of certain fears. I wanted to talk about that and share that with you! I’m sure I am not alone.
What is blocking you from success?
The Fear Factors
- Not feeling worthy of having what you want
- Fear of losing people
- Fear of failing
- Fear of being overwhelmed
I’m Not Worthy
We are going to start with what I feel is a real core issue. It was for me, and I know it is an issue for many of my clients and that is not feeling worthy of having what you want. You might be thinking things like:
- I am not good enough
- I would not do a good job
- People would not respect me
- Something bad would happen if I did it
- There is something wrong with me
- I am not worthy of good things
These negative beliefs are examples of how you might be holding yourself back from achieving what you really want.
Don’t Judge Me!
Moving on to another one is a fear of being judged if you do achieve that thing that you want. This is likely fed by the first one of not feeling worthy. When we do not feel worthy, when we do not feel good enough or capable enough, we are going to think that other people are going to judge us the same way that we are already judging ourselves. Thoughts about judgement might include:
- I might be judged for my accomplishments
- I might be judged for what I have
- I might be judged for moving beyond my station in life
- I might be seen as greedy or poor
We may have a certain idea based on our upbringing. For example, a certain level of income in our family unit or in our community that says, “it is okay to exist at this level, but if you are at that level then you are not okay.” We may have judgments about existing at a different level of wealth or success. We might not allow ourselves to achieve our goal, even if we want it, because we judge ourselves at that level.
I Can’t Leave the People I Care About
We may also have a fear that others will be left behind. That we will be moving ahead of people we really care about
and who care for us. The negative thoughts that block our success sound like:
- I’ll be all alone
- I don’t want them to feel badly because I’ve moved past their level
- I don’t want to stand out from everyone else
It is helpful when you can see that you are not alone. Just know that you are certainly not unique in any of these areas and in a positive way. We all have similar struggles andyoumay find a lot of people that resonate with this.
What If I Fail?
Let us move on to another, fear of failing. If this sounds like you, when you get to where you think you want to go, (whether it is a promotion, or status, or income level, or the role that you want to play in the world), you feel that you will fail or that you will not be good at it. Some negative thoughts around this are:
- I’m not good enough
- I’m not worthy
- I’m going to fail at this
- I don’t want to disappoint myself or others
- It’s safer not to try
This is another way you might hold back. It might feel safer not to try to achieve because the feeling of failure would feel worse. So, you might feel safer to hold back than to go for it because it feels scary that you might fail. It feels like your world might fall apart or everybody will reject you.
I Can’t Take on One More Thing
There is another fear that is quite common, which is a fear of feeling overwhelmed, or a fear of feeling burdened. Like if you take on the next level of success, responsibility, wealth, or whatever it is, it will be too much and you will not be able to handle it. Negative self-talk around this looks like:
- I’m too busy
- I don’t want to give up my time
- It will be too much for me to handle
- I can’t do it all
- It’s just too much
- I don’t want that responsibility
How you can succeed!
Let’s Get Clear About This
What is required for you to achieve what you want in the world? In your relationships? In your work life? What might be required is first tuning into and clarifying what it is you want.
- Have a vision of what you want your life to look like.
- Pay attention to the details of that vision.
- Does it feel like it is in alignment with who you are and who you want to be in the world?
- Does it feel like you will be living in harmony with your passions and purpose?
- Does it feel satisfying?
When we are living in harmony with who we think we are, who we want to be, and the gifts that we must give, it just feels so good! Life feels so full. And it is such a gift to have achieved that. I want that for everyone!
Claim It!
Be willing to say, “Yes, that is what I want!”
- Envision your desire and give yourself permission to go for it.
- Get excited about what you want and the process of getting it.
- It is important for you to be able to claim and actualize what you want.
Start with a sense of awareness and tuning into what it is and claiming it. “Yes, I do want that and it is okay to want that.”
Trust Yourself and Trust the Universe
Then there is a level of trust that is necessary. Faith, you could call it or trust that you can do it, that you can create that thing, get to that level, achieve that certificate, or take on that role.
- I trust I will be provided for by a higher power.
- There is plenty for me and everyone else who might want it too.
You need to feel worthy of having what you want and a certain level of confidence that you can go for it. Confidence that you can create it if you put your focus on it, if you reach for it, or like I was talking about with my mother, that you have what it takes.
I Am Worthy!
Now we are moving on to self-esteem and knowing that you are worthy of it.
- I am worthy of having a beautiful life.
- I can achieve the levels I need to.
- I am allowed to experience this experience.
- I am enough and I have enough.
So not only knowing that you can create it or that you have the confidence but that you are worthy of it! That who you are is enough and plenty to claim that for yourself.
Get Backup
I think another key factor in manifestation and achieving what we want is having enough support, as in a support system underneath you. It is so much harder to go it alone and to create it on your own than it is when you have people holding you up, people who have gotten your back or are holding your hand and guiding you. Some areas of support are:
- A supportive partner or family member
- Support groups that meet in person or online
- Friends who have your best interests in mind
- Mentors
Support is essential, whether it is your partner (if you have a partner), your friends or group of friends, or professional network, or group that you step into that is geared for the certain kind of support that you need for the level that you want to go to. I cannot recommend that enough; we should not be alone. And our society teaches us that we should, but we should not. We really are built to be in community and in connection with people all along the way. I hope you go for that for yourself.
I Will Do This
I think another thing that we all need to keep moving forward is a lot of will or willpower. We need to be able to pull ourselves up right and have that kind of gusto that says, “okay, I can do this.” It is confidence, but it also willpower. It keeps you going day after day, even if you did fail, or even if you messed up on something. Pick yourself up again, dust yourself off, and go forward again! That is really important.
Advocate for yourself
And last, but not least is the fortitude to advocate for yourself. When something is in your way, for example: there is an obstacle, somebody says no, you did not pass the test, it takes more than you thought it was going to take, someone is putting up some resistance, or you are putting up some resistance. The ability to say, “you know what, I deserve this and I am going to figure out how to do it and I am going to advocate for it.” Some examples of advocating for yourself are:
- I deserve this!
- I’m going to figure this out.
- I’m going to fight for what I want.
- I’m going to ask for help.
It means holding up your hand and saying, “I need some support,” and “How can I do this?” and “Who can help me?” That is advocating for yourself. That is important. I think advocating requires confidence and self-esteem. So that is why I put it at the end. All those things work together to help you keep stepping forward on the path, even when there are hurdles in your way.
Final Thoughts
If you know someone who could benefit from this training, you can invite them to join the Healthy Relationship Sisterhood Facebook page. I will continue to offer free trainings and you can also find me on YouTube under Conscious Thriving Relationships and Robyn Smith as well as Instagram under robyn.smith.relationshipcoach. You can follow me, subscribe to the YouTube channel and join my Facebook group so we can stay in connection and you can let me know if there are other things you would like to talk about. If you have other questions, you would like me to answer in this group or in one of these other platforms, please message me. I look forward to seeing you next time.
-Robyn Smith
